SpeedBeagle's NASCAR Thoughts

The End of Tradition

2011-09-01T01:08:00.003-05:00

There is no joy in the Big 12 tonight. Today, Texas A&M announced that the Aggies WILL be moving to the SEC in 2012. That announcement brought an end to 117 years of tradition. It is highly doubtful that the Aggies will be keeping their annual Thanksgiving meeting with the Texas Longhorns.

I know, you're all sitting there thinking, "Why do you care, beagle? Aren't you a Texas Tech fan?" Yes, I do follow Texas Tech football, but this is something that all football fans should care about. The college football arena has lost one of its traditional marquee games- those games that you watch even if you don't have anything riding on the outcome: Texas-OU; Ohio State-Michigan; Army-Navy; Grambling State- Southern. Those games are as much about the tradition as they are about football.

Sure, the Big 12 will fill the void left by A&M's departure, but the pageantry and spectacle that surrounds the Aggies coming to town will be forever lost. Who can forget the Friday after Thanksgiving 1999 when the Longhorn band stood on the floor of Kyle Field in College Station and paid tribute to the Aggie students who were killed when the bonfire collapsed? There wasn't a dry eye in the house. It still brings tears today:

College football will go on, but it has lost something that cannot be replaced.

We'll miss you, Miss Reveille. Thanks for the memories.

Childress v Busch WAS a Fair Fight

2011-06-07T00:58:00.004-05:00

Now, before everyone gets their knickers in a twist, read on. I am not going to debate whether Kyle bumped Joey Coulter after the CWTS race, nor am I going to discuss the punishments handed down. What I am going to discuss is the media's perception that because Richard Childress is an owner and Kyle Busch is a "driver", it was somehow an unfair fight.

Notice that I put quotes around the word driver; I did that for a reason. Had RC come after Kyle following the Darlington Cup race or after a Nationwide race, then I would agree that there existed a disparity of status between the two. I might even agree if Kyle had been driving for another owner in the CWTS; however, this altercation came after a CWTS race in which Kyle was driving the #18, and on every entry list I've ever seen, no matter who was driving the #18, Kyle Busch is listed as the OWNER. That, as far as I'm concerned, places him on equal footing with Childress.

So let's stop looking at this as the big bad owner beating up on the lowly little driver. It wasn't. Instead it was a case of one business owner having a very public disagreement with another. Things like this happen all the time in the business world; they just don't get national press coverage.

HELP!!!!

2010-10-27T11:39:00.003-05:00

Ok- the beagle is in serious need of help. She is in a competition on the SHR fan site for the door from the car that Tony raced at Michigan in August(it will be signed). Each week she gets points for correctly picking the top three drivers in the race and a chase driver to finish in the top 3., and at the end of the Chase, the top 25 players will be entered into a drawing for the swag. Up until now it's been pretty easy- JJ in the top three and as the bonus pick. That strategy has vaulted her from 168th at the beginning of the Chase to 11th following Martinsville.

The problem is who to pick for Talledega. Jimmie normally does not fare well at the track, and it is such a wild card. Right now, my thoughts are Tony Stewart, Kevin Harvick, and Jamie McMurray with Harvick as the bonus Chase driver.

What are your thoughts?

Random Thoughts

2010-10-05T15:34:00.003-05:00

A random musing from the Beagle-

A comment from CR on Dwindy's blog got me thinking--

Why is it that every time I see these two together...

...these two come to mind????

Your thoughts??????

Breaking News

2010-08-17T14:24:00.007-05:00

Once again, the intrepid Beagle has scoured the nation's newspapers and magazines for tidbits of news that might have been missed by the mainstream press.

Chicago- The Duncan Yo-Yo Company announced today that its attempts to make a better yo-yo have gone terribly awry. The company, seeking to make a more responsive yo-yo, infused the popular toy with human DNA; however the experiment has produced unintended consequences. A spokesman for the company said the result of the experiment "was not at all what we expected." The spokesman would not elaborate further; however, BNN has obtained exclusive top secret photos of the experiment's results:

That's right folks, Brett Favre has unretired AGAIN!!!

College Football Silly Season

2010-06-10T22:17:00.004-05:00

We NASCAR fans are all too familiar with the Silly Season- that period in the current season where speculation runs rampant about which drivers will be leaving their current teams and where might they end up. Well, it seems that college football has jumped on the Silly Season bandwagon.

Today, the University of Colorado announced that they were leaving the Big 12 conference for the Pac 10. This move upstages an expected announcement from the University of Nebraska on their departure from the Big 12 in order to join the Big 10 and thereby opens speculation as to what will happen to the rest of the teams in the now former Big 12.

The commissioner of the Pac 10 says that the invitation extended to Colorado is but the first of many. Speculation is that invitations will also be extended to Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma State. There are other reports that say Texas and Texas A&M will be going to the Big 10 along with Nebraska. Still others say that Texas A&M is so opposed to the idea of joining the Pac 10 that they are looking at moving to the SEC. If Texas and Texas A&M do end up in different conferences, expect to see large numbers of flying pigs and donkeys- not to mention a significant decrease in the temperature of He11.

Texas governor Rick Perry has put in his two cents on the matter, saying that all the Texas schools should get together and form a conference of their own. I guess the governor forgot about the old Southwest Conference, which was completely dominated by Texas schools with the lone exception of Arkansas.

Tech chancellor Kent Hance(Remember him? He's the idiot who fired the best football coach in the school's history) says that Tech's future is tied to Texas and Texas A&M. Uh, chancellor, it's not up to UT or A&M; it's up to the conference issuing the invitations. Where does Tech go if UT and A&M do end up in different conferences?

On top of all of this, word comes out today that USC- the flagship school of the Pac 10- is facing stiff penalties(loss of scholarships and no bowl games for 2 years) for NCAA rules infractions. While it's not the death penalty, it will certainly have an effect on recruiting. How will that play into all of this?

One thing is for certain. College football has taken to Silly Season like a duck takes to water.

What's Wrong With Tony Stewart ???

2010-05-19T15:32:00.005-05:00

in a word- NOTHING!!!!

I know, I know. After what can easily be called a stellar first season as an owner/driver, Tony hasn't won a race this season. Prior to his 9th place finish at Dover, he finished out of the top 10 in several races. So what?

Joey Logano hasn't won a race this season. His teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch have both won races this season(3 and 2 respectively); yet, no one is asking if there's anything wrong with the #20 team.

But Joey Logano is not Tony Stewart you say. Fair enough. What about Mark Martin? He drives for the juggernaut that is Hendrick Motorsports. He hasn't won a race this year either. In the last three races he's finished 25th, 16th, and 15th, but no one is writing off his 2010 season.

So why do the same with Tony Stewart?

It is common knowledge in NASCAR circles that Tony Stewart comes on strong in the summer months, and that during the spring months, he sometimes struggles. In fact, I've even blogged about what could be done to improve Tony's spring performance(read here).

In 2005, the media was ready to write off the entire JGR organization heading into Memorial Day weekend. Tony had gone through a streak of races plagued with bad luck- a loose wheel at Martinsville, the car catching fire at Texas. Yet, over the summer months, Tony put together a string of 5 wins over 7 races that helped vault him to the 2005 Cup Championship.

So, am I worried about what's wrong with Tony Stewart? Not in the least. It's springtime in NASCAR- the media speculating about what's wrong with Tony is as predictable as the sun setting in the west.

Silly Season Conspiracies

2010-04-24T14:29:00.004-05:00

All the driver and sponsor changes announced thus far for 2011 has the Beagle thinking.

Kasey Kahne has signed a contract to drive the #5 for Hendrick Motorsports beginning in 2012. What I don't get is why Rick Hendrick would sign Kasey to a contract without a ride for 2011, and for that matter why Kasey would sign such a contract. Now, don't get me wrong. I completely understand why Kasey would want to drive for HMS. Who wouldn't? They're the dominant team with the best equipment, and they've won the Championship the past four years. Still, there's NASCAR's four car limit, and unless Mark Martin retires, Rick is looking for a ride for Kasey, and I don't see Kasey riding around for a full season in a Nationwide car.

The conventional wisdom seems to be that Rick will park Kasey at Stewart/Haas for the 2011 season. Somehow, I just can't see Tony babysitting Kasey for a year. Then again, the prospect does give Tony a tremendous advantage at the negotiating table .

I have to wonder if there's something going on at Hendrick that they've so far managed to keep a tight lid on. What could that possibly be, you ask? Here's what I'm thinking. Two scenarios come to mind.

1.) Jeff Gordon retires at the end of the 2010 season. Mark Martin would finish his HMS contract in the #24, thus freeing the #5 for Kasey. It's plausible. Jeff's physical condition was a major storyline of 2009, and with the birth of his second child, he might just be looking for other opportunities.

2.) Chad Knaus is a man without a contract. His previous contract expired last August. Now, there's no way in you-know-where that Knaus leaves HMS for another team, BUT, there is speculation, that Chad is more than ready to follow in the footsteps of his mentor, Ray Evernham, and form his own Cup team. I have no doubt that should Chad choose to move in this direction, Rick Hendrick would provide chassis, engines, and any other support needed.

You can understand why Rick would want to keep either of these possibilities under wraps as long as possible- especially the Knaus scenario. Trust me, the news of Knaus leaving to form his own team, and thus splitting with Jimmie, would send shock waves through the NASCAR garages.

Anyway, that what's been going through my mind .

Now Is The Time For All Good NASCAR Fans To Come To The Aid Of The Beagle

2010-03-23T11:25:00.005-05:00

OK, folks. It is becoming more and more apparent that stopping Jimmie will take more voodoo than one little beagle can muster.

Katie is diligently doing her part. The voodoo bear is missing his nose, he's starting to get cross-eyed, and he has several holes in his legs and bottom.

Obviously, the voodoo is having little effect, so Katie is asking for your help. Print a copy of the voodoo bear(or any picture of Jimmie and Chad) and use it as a dart board, run it through the shredder, even use it as kindling to start your next barbecue. Use your imagination. Maybe if we put our collective efforts together, we can stop the #48 in its tracks.

Coach Watch 2010

2010-01-06T14:38:00.004-06:00

Normally, I write about goings on in NASCAR, but was asked to blog on the goings on at Texas Tech, so here goes.

It's been one week since the summary dismissal of Mike Leach as Texas Tech's head football coach, and to say the natives are still restless is an understatement. Calls and letters to the Tech Alumni Association and the Red Raider Club number in the thousands with the majority of calls coming from those who wish to terminate their memberships in those organizations. Sales of Texas Tech merchandise are down, while sales of pirate related items are going through the roof. Yes, Lubbock and the Tech alums are taking the firing of Mike Leach hard, and it doesn't look like we're going to get over it anytime soon.

So why all the fuss? To understand that, you have to understand where Texas Tech footballl was prior to Mike Leach, and what Leach has meant to the program.

When I was growing up, Tech football was the doormat of the old Southwest Conference. Try as we might, we could never get past the conference big 3- Texas, Texas A&M, and Arkansas. Coaches came and went, all promising to make Tech football competitive with the Big 3, but they couldn't even convince the best high school players in Lubbock to give Tech a shot. Eventually, Tech pulled itself out of the cellar and became competitive with UT, A&M, and Arkansas, but before the dream of a New Year's Day appearance at the Cotton Bowl as conference champs could be realized, along came the Big 12. Tech went back to being the conference doormat. Sure, we could still hold our own against UT and A&M, but we were no match for the likes of perennial national powerhouses Nebraska and Oklahoma; therefore, when Spike Dykes announced his retirement in 1999, the athletic department once again promised us a coach who would take Tech football to the next level. They gave us Mike Leach.

Leach was unconventional. He did not fit the mold of the "good ol' boy" coaches that Tech had hired in the past. The faithful had their doubts. Leach was coming to Tech with what most people called a "gimmick" offense, and we were certain that it wouldn't be long before the other teams in the conference were able to figure it out. That didn't happen, and Tech football found itself moving up from the conference basement. Texas Tech went to a post season bowl game every year under Leach's leadership, and with the 2008 season, the Red Raiders finally took their place as one of the conference powerhouses. All the promises that had been made to the faithful were now(finally) being fulfilled, and we were certain that before too long, Tech football would be competing for a national championship. So much for that dream now.

And now comes the biggest decision the TTU athletic department and administration will ever have to make- who do we hire to replace the most successful(and most popular) coach in program history and start healing the rift between the university and the fan base. With recruiting fixing to swing into full force, that decision is crucial. Players aren't going to commit to a team if they're unsure about what to expect. The candidates most mentioned are: current TTU interim Coach Ruffin McNeil, former Auburn head coach Tommy Tubserville, and current Baylor head coach Art Briles. Let's look at them in reverse order.

Art Briles- Possibly the only decision WORSE than firing Mike Leach would be to hire Art Briles. Let's not even look at his lack of accomplishment with the Baylor football program. The Tech fan base believes that e-mails sent from a former regent to the university administration show a clear conspiracy to get rid of Leach as soon as possible and hire Briles(for more on the e-mails, click here ). Hiring Briles will do nothing for the football program except confirm the fans' belief that there was a conspiracy to fire Leach and further fracture the fan base.

Tommy Tuberville- I don't know anything about the man except what I've heard on television. He's from Auburn; he had an undefeated season(but no national championship for that season- I know, BCS), and he has roots in West Texas. One analyst in commenting on Tuberville speculated that Tuberville would more than likely scrap the offense that the Tech faithful have come to love. Tuberville tried Leach's offensive program at Auburn and quickly scrapped it for something more conventional. While hiring Tuberville wouldn't further fracture the fan base, it wouldn't go very far to healing the fracture either.

Ruffin McNeil- The players want him. He proved that he is more than capable of taking on the job of head coach. He managed to keep the team focused on the game(at a time when most people expected the team to just give up), and led the Red Raiders to a victory over Michigan State in the Alamo Bowl. Recruits who have made verbal commitments to Texas Tech have stated unequivocally that they will honor that commitment if McNeil is named head coach. McNeil would more than likely keep the current staff. Hiring McNeil would also go a long way in healing the rift between the fans and the university.

The university has said that they hope to have a decision by the end of the week. McNeil interviewed Monday, Tuberville yesterday, and Briles was expected to interview today. Let's just hope that the administration doesn't send Tech football back to the days of being the conference doormat.

NASCAR's Biggest Mystery Has Been Solved!

2009-11-12T14:23:00.005-06:00

(Right) Rear Tire

the final chapter in the saga of the Maltese Lug Nut

It was a dark and stormy night. The petite brunette walked into the Subway restaurant wearing a Tony Stewart t-shirt. She was there to see Roush/Fenway Racing driver Carl Edwards who was making an appearance at the restaurant as part of his contract. She walked up to the counter where she was greeted by the driver.

"What can I get for you?" Edwards asked. He seemed totally unfazed by the fact that she was wearing a rival driver's t-shirt. She placed her order, and the driver immediately began making her request. He handed her the sack; she paid for the sandwich and returned to her car. She opened the bag and removed a small plastic container that the driver had slipped into the sack just before handing it to her. She removed a data card from the container, placed it in her laptop, and opened the file.

"Hello, Melissa," the man on the screen began. It was Jack Roush. "I see Carl had no trouble spotting you. I've arranged for you to go undercover at the race this weekend as a reporter. Your assignment is to follow Tony Stewart for the entire weekend- team meetings, media events, everything. When he moves, I want you there with him. If you see or hear anything out of the ordinary, I want to know about it immediately. Helton may be on to something, and I want to make sure that I beat him to it. See you at the track."

Melissa bristled at the thought of having to spend the entire weekend with Tony Stewart, but she knew that it would be useless to argue. Once Jack Roush made up his mind, there was no changing it.

*****

When Melissa showed up at the track, Stewart was already in a foul mood. Chief Inspector Helton had the owner/driver under constant surveillance. While Stewart's meteoric rise to the top of the NASCAR points standings had cooled, Helton still had doubts as to whether Stewart's success was based on talent and hard work or possession of the Lug Nut. Having a "reporter" shadow him all weekend would do nothing to alleviate Stewart's surliness. Up and down the garages, teams were placing bets on how long it would be before Stewart let his legendary temper get the better of him. During a break between practices, drivers Kurt Busch and Ryan Newman talked about the Lug Nut and Stewart's bad mood.

"I just don't understand all this fuss over a lug nut," Newman commented to his former teammate. "You were at Roush. What's so special about this particular lug?"

"Don't ask me," Busch replied. "I never heard anything about it while I was there. Jack must have gotten hold of it after I left." Tony Stewart was walking by and overheard the two drivers discussing the Lug Nut.

"I'm sick and tired of this Lug Nut b.s.," Stewart complained as his "shadow" listened intently. "If I had the blasted thing, I'd give it to Helton just to get him off my back. He thinks I have it. Darian says Chad has it. Chad says Ray never took it off the T-Rex. If you ask me, I'm beginning to think that it's all a NASCAR plot to keep us off our game so that Jimmie can win a 4th straight championship." Busch and Newman nodded as Stewart and the girl walked off.

*****

Meanwhile, in a secluded area of the track, Jack Roush was meeting with Helton and NASCAR chairman Brian France. The look on Roush's face clearly indicated that the conversation was not going his way. Roush vigorously argued his case, but Helton and France were adamant. Roush left the meeting with a disgruntled look on his face. That look was still apparent when he walked up behind the young woman assigned to follow Stewart.

"Hello, Melissa." The young woman turned to see her employer standing behind her. "You've done an admirable job putting up with Tony this weekend, but then I knew if anyone could, it would be you. Your duties here are over; I've decided to stop the search for the Lug Nut. You can spend the rest of the weekend hanging out with David and his crew if you'd like." The young woman thanked the owner and quickly made her way to the garage of her favorite driver.

*****

By the time NASCAR returned to Phoenix for the fall race, things had returned to normal- at least by NASCAR standards. Teams were complaining about phantom debris cautions and trying to find a way to keep the #48 team from claiming the championship. Talk in the garages centered less and less on the Maltese Lug Nut and more on plans for the off-season and getting ready for 2010. As Helton sat in the stands surveying the track, he felt confident that the Maltese Lug Nut would quickly return to the realm of myth and legend where it belonged.

*****

But what of the Maltese Lug Nut? The truth of the matter is that the lug nut that Kristen picked up in Michigan was a fake. The REAL Maltese Lug Nut was tucked away inside a safe deposit box at a Charlotte area bank. It was occasionally removed from its secure location and taken to the track where it was placed on the right rear tire of...

...the #2 Miller Lite Dodge of Kurt Busch.

You see, Pat Tryson- then crew chief for RFR driver Mark Martin- had come into posession of the Lug Nut in November 2005 when he noticed the hallowed piece of metal fall from the right rear tire of Jimmie Johnson's badly damaged race car at the season's final race at Homestead. Tryson was able to retrieve the Lug Nut before anyone on the #48 team discovered that it was missing.

When Tryson left RFR in 2007, the Lug Nut was stashed in his pocket ,and a masterfully crafted forgery was left in its place. And like that day when he left Roush, Tryson would leave Penske Racing taking the Maltese Lug Nut with him to his new position at Michael Waltrip Racing.

Has NASCAR Lost Its Expletive Deleted Mind????

2009-11-02T19:46:00.003-06:00

Here is a quote from Joe Menzer's article posted on NASCAR.com-

"how long does NASCAR think the healthy approachto any of its problems is to say they 'have long believed in having an independent media' and that 'debate is great for any sport'-- and then have a highly placed executive from its governing bodypublicly call for the firing of a trio of broadcasters who criticize their sport?"

The trio of broadcasters Menzer refers to are Dr. Jerry Punch, Andy Petree, and Dale Jarrett.

If NASCAR wants them fired, I can only imagine what they might do to Ryan Newman for his outspokenness.

Paging Dr. Black to the Big Yellow Hauler. The NASCAR execs need serious help.

(For those who don't know, Dr. Black(or Code Black) is hospital lingo for trouble on the psychiatric ward.)

SYMT Tour- Chase Finale

2009-10-15T15:13:00.006-05:00

Today, we take a trip with Mr. Peabody and Sherman via the Way Back Machine to November 20, 2005.

It's the final race of the 2005 NASCAR Sprint(then Nextel) season. The championship is still up for grabs with Tony Stewart holding a 52 point lead over Jimmie Johnson. Carl Edwards is still considered to be a contender at 87 points out, and Greg Biffle is an outside shot at 102 points back. Nevertheless, as the race telecast begins, everyone feels certain that it's a two man race between Stewart and Johnson and that by the end of the night, Smoke will have earned his second championship in three years. A finish of 18th or better will secure the trophy for the #20 irregardless of what the #48 team does, and Homestead is generally agreed to be one of Tony's better tracks.

As the race begins, the #20 team is already in the hole. Tony will start the race in the 20th position while Carl Edwards will start on the pole. Tony's lead over Edwards has been cut to a mere 10 points. Biffle will start 7th and Johnson 32nd. Despite Johnson's poor qualifying effort, everyone feels sure that it won't be long before Knaus and company are running up front.

All attention seems focused on Stewart and Johnson. Johnson is slowly moving up, and Stewart is struggling. The fact that Edwards is leading the race seems to be of no importance. As Stewart's difficulties continue, the commentators begin expressing doubts as to whether or not Tony will be able to seal the deal.

Meanwhile, following pit stops, Jimmie Johnson has been radioing back to his team that the car isn't right. It appears from those observing the race that Jimmie would like to return to the pits and have everything checked out. Crew chief Chad Knaus chalks this up to the pressure of the championship hunt and tries to reassure his driver that everything is fine. When the green flag waves again, Jimmie starts going backwards and in a hurry. Chad still believes that Jimmie is merely reacting to the pressure of the race. Jimmie had missed out on winning his first championship the year before by a scant 8 points, and neither he nor Knaus want a repeat. Knaus tells his driver to calm down and work it out. By lap 124, it is clear that, real or imagined, Johnson is in trouble. As race leader Jeff Gordon moves in to place his teammate one lap down, Jimmie' right rear tire finally lets go, and Johnson is sent spinning into the wall. Knaus is visibly upset; the pit road cameras catch him slamming his clipboard and telling the crew to pack everything up and head for home. There will be no attempt to get Johnson back out on the track.

Johnson's misfortune seems to ease the pressure on Stewart. While the #20 team is still struggling to get a handle on the car, Stewart is managing to hold his positiion, eventually crossing the finish line in 15th,winning his 2nd championship by 35 points over Greg Biffle and Carl Edwards. Biffle, the race winner, would finish 2nd in the standings by virtue of more wins than Edwards. Johnson would end up 5th in the standings.

One has to wonder what would have happened if Chad had told Jimmie to pit at the first sign of trouble. There were plenty of laps left to recover, and given Stewart's struggles, the #48 team just might have pulled it off. We'll never know. What was apparent, however, was the tension between Johnson and Knaus. Many both inside and outside the NASCAR garages thought that Knaus' tenure as crew chief of the #48 would come to an end. Team owner Rick Hendrick, sensing tension between the driver and crew chief, called the men into his office for a little heart to heart talk. Knaus and Johnson mended the rift, and would come back with a vengeance for the 2006 season, winning what would be the 1st of three straight championships.

In this humble beagle's opinion, Tony should have a piece of that tire next to the 2005 championship trophy. If Jimmie hadn't blown the tire, I don't think Tony would have won the championship. That's not to say that Jimmie would have won, but there was just something going on with the #2o team that didn't go away until Jimmie was out of the picture.

SYMT Tour- Chase Race #1

2009-09-17T15:13:00.004-05:00

Talladega Nightmares

Every NASCAR fan and driver knows that the fall race at Talladega is the race that wreaks havoc on the Chase standings. Every Chase driver has the fall date at Talladega circled on their calendar. Why? Kurt Busch said it best: “You go into Talladega just hoping to survive and hoping that you’ve done enough before then just in case something happens.” Here is a brief recap of the standings following the Talladega fall race:

1. In 2004, Talladega was the 3rd race in the Chase. Jimmie Johnson entered the race 4th in the overall points standings, 56 points behind 2nd place Kurt Busch; he left in 9th, losing 100 points to Busch. Johnson would miss out on his first Sprint Cup championship by a scant 8 points.

2. In 2006, the fall race was moved to the 4th race in the Chase. That year, Brian Vickers spun teammate Jimmie Johnson into Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Fortunately for Johnson, he did not take a big hit in the points, and he went on to win the first of his 3 championships.

3. Last year, Carl Edwards trailed Jimmie Johnson by a mere 10 points on the eve of the Talladega race. A crash which caused damage to the entire Roush Fenway race team increased the points differential between Edwards and Johnson to 72 points.

This year, the fall race at Talladega moves to the 7th race of the Chase, leaving the Chase drivers only 3 races to recover from a bad race, so it’s anyone’s guess what effect the race will have on the standings this year.

So, after a discussion with F2 and GGW Commissioner photogr, the Beagle decided why wait until ‘Dega to create chaos with the standings, and thus came up with this week’s race format.

One of the constants in this year’s SYMT has been the number of field fillers and start & parkers who qualify above their talent on Friday only to revert to their normal lackluster performances on race day(as jon_464 always says, “you people know who you are”). All of us GGW racers have been plagued with this phenomenon over the course of the season- some more than others.

With that in mind, this week’s race will be a “Best of the Worst” race. As with the regular season, the starting grid will be set according to Sprint Cup qualifying with one small but important change- drivers will be assigned from the bottom up:

1st place GGW (Tez) will start 43rd
2nd place GGW (Stork) will start 42nd
3rd place GGW (F2) will start 41st
4th place GGW (SB) will start 40th
5th place GGW (Kristen) will start 39th

and so on until the field is set.

Now, before you get all bummed out over the prospect of being paired with Dave Blaney Joe Nemechek, or God forbid, Todd Bodine, there’s always the possibility that one (or more) of the top drivers could have a bad qualifying day. Don’t believe me? One only needs to look at this year’s Daytona 500 for proof. Matt Kenseth qualified 39th for the race and ended up as Victoria Lane’s date for the evening.

The starting grid will be posted to this blog and the Lug-Nuts group blog as soon as the Cup lineup is posted on Friday.

Good luck and let’s go racing.

Another Race, Another Lug Nut

2009-08-18T18:40:00.002-05:00

Dial "L" for Lug Nut

the continuing saga of the Maltese Lug Nut

It was a dark and stormy night. At New Hampshire International Speedway, two unidentified persons were lurking around the garage area.

“They know about the fake.” one of the unknown subjects said.

“Relax. All they know is that it’s fake,” counseled the other shadowy figure. “They have no idea where it came from or that we’re behind it.” The two people talked for a few minutes longer then went their separate ways.

~~~~~

Meanwhile, in the Todd Bodine Meeting Room at the track, NASCAR’s start and park drivers were awaiting the arrival of Mike Helton so they could begin their weekly meeting. Helton was using the start and parkers as his eyes and ears in the garage as a means of having them earn their prize money each week. As Helton strolled into the room, the drivers took their seats.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Helton said addressing the group. “What can you tell me?”

“Not much,” replied driver Dave Blaney. “The Valus Gang was all over the race track at Sonoma, and we couldn’t keep up with them. Plus, Kristen was nowhere to be found after Friday.”

“Yes, we know about Kristen’s disappearance. There was an unfortunate incident in the press room,” Helton told the assembled drivers. “What else you got?”

“There’s a rumor going around that Jack has hired his own investigator to find the Lug Nut,” Joe Nemechek offered.

“I’ll have a chat with Jack. We don’t need a bunch of outsiders poking around the garages,” Helton responded. “Anything else?”

“Oh yeah,” Todd Bodine chimed in. “There’s this guy named Hanner going around asking questions about Dale Jr. and Vicky. Seems she’s not real happy that Junior hasn’t been to see her in awhile.”

“We’re well aware of Mr. Hanner,” Helton bristled, “and I’ve had a little ‘chat’ with Vicky. Don’t worry about them; just find that Lug Nut!!” Helton turned and exited the room.

~~~~~

Meanwhile, a cell phone rang in California.

“Hello,” a female voice answered.

“Good evening, Melissa.” It was Jack Roush. “I see you received the envelope.”

:”Yes, sir.” she replied.

“I apologize for not contacting you sooner, but it’s taken longer than I expected to get through all your film from Sonoma,” Roush began. “What did you find out?”

“Not much, sir.” she responded. “It was rather difficult with Kristen lying low all weekend.”

“Ah, yes. The unfortunate press room incident,’ the team owner commented. “Funny thing about that. I’ve seen Smoke go ballistic at other reporters for asking a question like that. I wonder why he didn’t blow up at her. I also noticed that Ryan and Kurt have been spending a lot of time together at the track. Perhaps you should spend more time around the #14 team at your next race.”

“But sir,” the girl protested, “Ryan and Kurt were teammates. I’m sure there’s nothing going on there. Besides that, Kristen would NEVER give the Lug Nut to Tony. She’d give it to a start and park team first.”

“Maybe,” Roush said, “but nevertheless, I want you to check it out at your next race. Kristen’s dislike for Stewart could be an act. As Shakespeare once said, ‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much,’ and remember, it’s for the good of the team.”

“Yes, sir.” the girl answered.

“Very good, I’ll contact you again soon. You know what to do with the cell phone?” Roush asked.

“Yes, sir.” The two parties disconnected the call.

~~~~~

One week later at Daytona, Helton approached the hauler of Roush/Fenway driver. Carl Edwards. Jack Roush was standing outside talking with the driver.

“Carl, Jack,” Helton said acknowledging the two men. “Carl, if you don’t mind. I’d like to speak to Jack privately.” Edwards looked at the owner and walked to the garage. Once Helton was sure the driver was out of ear shot, he turned his attention back to Roush. “Brian would like you to come watch the race from the suite tonight.”

“I’ll be in Carl’s pit,” Roush responded. Helton looked at the team owner sternly.

“I think you misunderstood me, Jack,” Helton said authoritatively. “This isn’t a request. Brian expects you to be there before the green flag drops.” Roush glared as Helton walked away.

~~~~~

Fifteen minutes after the green flag dropped, Roush walked into Brian France’s suite.

“You’re late,” France said. The tone of his voice clearly showed his displeasure with the team owner.

“So? What are you going to do about it?” Roush asked as he took a seat. Helton feared an escalation of the scene and stepped in.

“Look, Jack,” Helton said, trying to keep the meeting civil, “we need to talk about the Maltese Lug Nut.”

“It’s mine, and I want it back,” Roush asserted.

“We’re doing all we can to find it,” Helton tried to reassure the owner. “Word around the garage is that you’ve hired your own investigator.”

“Who told you that?” Roush queried. “Your start and park spies?”

“I have my sources,” Helton said. “The point is we don’t need outsiders poking around NASCAR business.” Roush got up from his chair and headed for the door.

“Look, you leave the Lug Nut to me,” Roush said as he opened the door to the suite. “Besides, you’ve got bigger things to worry about. It won't be long before that Hanner guy blows the lid clean off the Junior and Vicky deal."

Which Champion Is Better. . . ????

2009-08-13T16:30:00.007-05:00

I know, I know. It's an apples and oranges type question, but that's not where I'm going

As the cutoff for the Chase grows nearer and nearer, the NASCAR pundits are starting to weigh in with their opinions on who will win the Sprint Cup Championship. Most seem to agree that it's a two man race between Tony Stewart and Jimmie Johnson, and hence the title question- sort of. Which champion is better for NASCAR and the state of the sport?

Jimmie Johnson has won a history tying three straight championships and is gunning for a fourth. There is no doubt that he and Chad Knaus save their best stuff for the Chase (well, except for Homestead in 2005 when Chad wouldn't listen to Jimmie; otherwise, Jimmie would be going for five straight this year). A fourth straight championship would almost certainly guarantee Jimmie and Chad entry into the Hall of Fame when the time comes, but do the fans really want to see the #48 team on the championship stage yet again?

Tony Stewart has made the owner/driver combo look like child's play this year. Tony came out of the gates at Daytona in February ready to run. In a season where most pundits predicted that he would struggle to even win a race, let alone contend for the Chase, Tony has won three points races plus the All-Star race and currently sits atop the points chart. Simply starting the Michigan race on Sunday guarantees his berth in the Chase. Should Tony win the Championship come November, he would be the first owner/driver to do so since Alan Kulwicki. Yes, there are a myriad of differences between what Tony has accomplished this year and what Kulwicki accomplished, and Tony will be the first to point that out. However, you can bet that you will not hear mention of that from the sportswriters come November if Tony wins. The headlines will simply read "Stewart Becomes First Owner/Driver To Win Championship Since Kulwicki."

So which champion would be better for the sport of NASCAR, Jimmie or Tony? One thing is for certain. It looks like we might finally get the exciting Chase that was promised when the 10 race playoff was put into place in 2004.

A Tire, A Tire, My Kingdom for a Tire!!!

2009-07-19T22:15:00.006-05:00

One week away from the first anniversary of the tire debacle at Indy, Katie revisits some old blogs on tire issues.

NASCAR SOLVES TIRE PROBLEMS

(originally posted 7/28/08 on FOXSports.com)

NASCAR ORDERS SWEEPING CHANGES FOLLOWING ALLSTATE 400 TRAVESTY
CAR, TIRES TO UNDERGO MASSIVE OVERHAUL

Charlotte- Following Sunday's dismal race at Indianapolis, NASCAR Director of Competition Robin Pemberton announced today that NASCAR will be making major changes to the Sprint Cup Series.

"To say that this was an embarrassment to NASCAR is an understatement," Pemberton told reporters. "We want to make absolutely sure that nothing like this ever happens again."

In the first of two measures to prevent a repeat of the Brickyard events, NASCAR terminated its contract with Goodyear Tire & Rubber, who until now, held the exclusive rights as NASCAR's tire supplier.

In the second measure, Pemberton announced that NASCAR will be scrapping the controversial COT effective immediately. In unveiling the new car, which will make its debut this weekend at Pocono, Pemberton said that NASCAR wanted to return to a simpler, more basic car.

In a prepared statement, NASCAR chairman Brian France said "This car should meet with approval from NASCAR fans. It puts the outcome of the race back in the hands of the drivers."

Or maybe in this case, feet.

Evidently, Goodyear didn't get the message since tires once again became an issue at Daytona in February.

Same Song. Second Verse

(originally posted 2/14/09 on FOXSports.com)

Katie discovered this news item while leafing through a copy of a pet product magazine.
NASCAR TO PUT AN END TO TIRE ISSUES ONCE AND FOR ALL
NEW MANUFACTURER PROMISES TIRE THAT WILL LAST AN ENTIRE RACE

Daytona Beach- Following several tire failures involving high profile drivers- including Tony Stewart and teammate Ryan Newman- plus the recall of several race tires by Goodyear, NASCAR officials announced a major change in their tire supplier.

"We don't want to start the season off like this," NASCAR Director of Competition Robin Pemberton told reporters during an impromtu question and answer session following Saturday's Nationwide race at Daytona International Speedway. "We're not - repeat NOT- going to have another Brickyard on our hands," he said emphatically. Pemberton was referring to the 2008 Sprint Cup race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which was marred by tire issues so severe that caution flags flew every 30 laps to assess tire wear.

To that end, NASCAR President Mike Helton announced that effective immediately, all tires used in NASCAR sanctioned races will be manufactured by the Kong Company. "Anyone with a dog is familiar with the Kong pet toy," Helton told the media. "The things are virtually indestructible. We feel certain that the new Kong tires can withstand all the stresses associated with racing and that our tire problems are a thing of the past."

Goodyear has had several tire tests at Indy since the debacle a year ago. The drivers have all walked away from those testing sessions saying that Goodyear has made significant improvement in the tire over last year, and they are confident that there will not be a repeat of last year's race. We'll find out in a week.

What Happens in Sonoma...

2009-07-15T00:50:00.019-05:00

The Days of Wine and Lug Nuts

the continuing saga of the Maltese Lug Nut

It was a dark and stormy night. NASCAR Chief Inspector Helton put down the note and turned to his computer. He pulled up the FOXSports NASCAR blog pages and scanned them for any information he could find on Kristen and the Maltese Lug Nut. One particular blog entry caught his attention almost immediately. His jaw dropped as he began reading. There in front of him for the entire world to see was all the information concerning Kristen's meeting with her gang: date, time, and place. As he scrolled through the comments, he got even luckier. There was the list of gang members who would be attending the meeting. Helton picked up the phone and started dialing.

"Meeting in the NASCAR hauler Friday morning at Sonoma," Helton barked to the party on the other end of the line. "Don't be late. I'd hate to have to make an example of you, too." Helton hung up the phone and made several more calls, each with the same message as the first.

~~~~~

Friday morning at the track, the men who had received the phone calls assembled at the NASCAR hauler. Helton was waiting for them.

"Good morning, gentlemen. We have a crisis on our hands," Helton told the assembly.

"What is it now?" asked one of the men. "Knaus up to something again?"

"I wish it were that simple, Dave," Helton commented to Dave Blaney. "This is much more serious. The Maltese Lug Nut is still missing."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead," joked Todd Bodine. The room erupted in laughter.

"Watch it Bodine," Helton told the jokester. "You're on thin ice as it is. Your performance at Martinsville was disappointing at best. Most would call it downright disgraceful." The driver jumped up from his seat ready for a fight.

"Look, Phil thinks this whole idea of using the start and park drivers as garage spies is ridiculous. No one is going to tell us anything," Bodine snapped back.

"Perhaps Phil would like a taste of the Carl Long treatment," Helton threatened. Bodine sat back down. "I didn't think so. If you want to park your car after three laps, then you have to earn that prize money in other ways." Heltom turned his attention back to the entire group. "Now, the Valus gang will be here this weekend. I've learned that they will all have pit passes, so keep your eyes and ears open."

"How are we supposed to know what they look like?" asked Joe Nemechek.

"You won't," Helton admitted as he handed out dossiers on the Valus gang members. "We only have pictures of Kristen."

"So we're supposed to figure out just which fans out of the thousands that will be at the track are Kristen's gang members withour so much as a hint of what they look like?" Bodine asked incredulously. "Man, you've been drinking Jeremy's kool-aid."

"We know when and where they're meeting," Helton informed the group, "and the dossiers should help some. You'll know which drivers to give special attention. I'll leave it to you to work out the details among yourselves." The drivers left the hauler and returned to their garages.

~~~~~

Later that afternoon, as the teams prepared for practice and qualifying, no one noticed the petite brunette slip into the hauler of Roush/Fenway driver David Ragan. She made her way to the back of the hauler and up to the office. Jack Roush was sitting behind the desk waiting for her.

"Hello, Melissa, Did anyone see you?" he asked.

"I don't think so," she replied.

"Good. You know why you're here." Roush said.

"You want me to find out what Kristen did with the Maltese Lug Nut."

"Precisely. Do you think she suspects anything?" he queried.

"No, sir," the girl answered, "but what makes you think she'll tell me anything. Helton had Dale Jr. talk to her and got nothing."

"That's where Helton went wrong," Roush remarked. "She was star struck, and now he thinks his start and park spies are going to be able to find the Lug Nut."

"I'll do my best, sir," she told Roush.

"I know you will," the owner remarked. "Make sure no one sees you when you leave."

"Yes, sir." The young woman slipped out of the hauler as easily as she had gotten in and blended in with the other fans at the track.

Coming Soon To A Track Near You

2009-06-27T18:34:00.003-05:00

originally posted 6/16/09 on FOXSports.com

It's being widely reported that NASCAR CEO Brian France is looking to expand the presence of foreign manufacturers in NASCAR. We here at BNN wonder why Mr. France isn't talking to the manufacturer of the best selling car in America.

Drive through any neighborhood in America, and you're likely to see at least one parked in a driveway or in front of a house(I counted six while driving the dozen or so blocks between my house and Sonic). Brian France probably owns one or two of them. Jeff Gordon probably does, too. Sam Hornish and Casey Mears are probably already shopping for one, and Matt Kenseth will probably be in the market for one in the next few years.

So what is the best selling car in America? It's not the Toyota Camry; it's not the Chevy Impala; it's not even the Ford Fusion. The best selling car in America is...

That's right. The best selling car in America is the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe. It has been consistently outselling anything the Big 3 and Toyota put on the market. And why not? It's got everything the American car buying public could possibly want. It's economical, no need to worry about skyrocketing gas prices, and it's environmentally friendly.

So how about it, Mr. France? Shouldn't the best selling car in America be represented in NASCAR?

More Shenanigans in the NASCAR Garages

2009-06-27T13:54:00.006-05:00

originally posted 6/9/09 on FOXSports.com

MICHIGAN CONFIDENTIAL

the continuing saga of the Maltese Lug Nut

For most of the drivers, crews and officials on the NASCAR Sprint Cup circuit, the upcoming race at Michigan International Speedway was just another stop on the schedule. For NASCAR Chief Inspector Mike Helton, Michigan was the source of his sleepless nights. It was during the August 2008 Cup race at the track that the priceless Maltese Lug Nut had been stolen from the garage area of Roush Fenway Racing. The theft of the Lug Nut sent shockwaves through the NASCAR community, and Helton was no closer to solving the crime now than he had been in August.

He was convinced that the notorious lug nut bandit, Kristen Valus (aka Millie Leit) was behind the theft, but as of yet, he had no solid proof

Helton had mercilessly grilled Kristen for hours in the NASCAR hauler, but his interrogation skills were no match for her years of psychological study.

When the Lug disappeared, it had been in the possession of Jack Roush.

At the time, Roush was absolutely convinced that the evil Toyota Empire had masterminded the theft since their “wonder boy,” Kyle Busch was winning everything in sight. Roush was less sure of that conviction as the 2008 season came to its close. Busch’s dream season turned into a nightmare.

Then, in late January, a mysterious package arrived at the door of Roush-Fenway Racing. Inside the package was a lug nut. It certainly looked like the Maltese Lug Nut, and when Roush driver Matt Kenseth won the first two races of the season- including the prestigious Daytona 500- Roush became convinced that his purloined property had been returned.

Unfortunately, those were the last two races won by a Roush driver. In subsequent races, the Roush teams failed to find Victory Lane, and after another disastrous race at Talladega, Roush discovered that the lug left at the door was a forgery. The real Maltese Lug Nut was still out there somewhere, and Roush wanted it back.

Roush turned the fake lug over to Chief Inspector Helton, who examined it closely. There were only a handful of people in the NASCAR garages who could have created such a masterful deception. Chad Knaus, crew chief of the #48, topped the list.

Knaus’s attention to detail was legendary in the NASCAR garages, and if he wasn’t responsible for the fake lug nut, more than likely he knew who was. Helton summoned Knaus to the big yellow hauler.

“Afternoon, Chad.” Helton said as Knaus took a seat. Helton placed the fake lug on the table directly in front of the crew chief. “Tell me what you know about this.”

“It’s a lug nut.” Knaus said. “It holds the tire on the car.”

“Very funny,” Helton said sarcastically. “Look, I can make sure you don’t get that fourth straight championship if you don’t cooperate. Now tell me what you know about the Maltese Lug Nut.” The crew chief remained calm and collected, completely unaffected by Helton’s threat.

"Ask Ray. Last time I saw it, it was on the T-Rex.” Knaus replied.

“Don’t get smart with me, Chad. Everyone knows that you took the Lug Nut with you when you left Hendrick for DEI. How else could Mikey Waltrip win a race unless he had the Lug Nut on his car?”

“Where’s your proof?” Helton didn’t have an answer, and Chad knew it. “Now, is that all you wanted? I’ve got a car to get ready to race.” Knaus got up from the table and left the hauler.

Helton knew that he had his work cut out for him. He went to the top of the garages and looked out over the parked haulers.

“Who would benefit most from the Lug Nut?” Helton asked himself. As he surveyed the garage area, he assessed each of the likely suspects:

Joey Logano and the #20 team- Logano had been touted as the next best thing since sliced bread. His performance thus far had not lived up to the hype.

The kid was steadily improving, but it was the kind of improvement that came with experience, not by possessing the Lug Nut.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and the #88 team- Junior was having an abysmal season. The Lug Nut would go a long way in helping that team turn their season around, and it was no secret that Junior was Kristen’s favorite driver.

Still, Helton knew that if Rick Hendrick had the Lug Nut, he would have given it to the #88 team at the first sign of trouble.

Jeff Gordon and the #24 team- Gordon‘s 2009 season was an improvement over 2008. Gordon took over the 2009 points lead following the Las Vegas race and had held on to it until Dover.

Gordon’s problems, however, were physical, not mechanical. The Lug Nut would cure an ill handling race car; it wouldn’t cure a back ailment.

Kurt Busch and the #2 team- Busch was another driver whose 2009 season to date was a significant improvement over 2008.

More importantly for Helton’s investigation, Kristen Valus was a frequent race guest of Busch and the Brew Crew. Busch, however, held steadfast in his belief that Kristen’s presence at the track and the disappearance of the Lug Nut were mere coincidence.

That left Tony Stewart. When Stewart announced in 2008 that he was leaving Joe Gibbs Racing to form his own Cup team, everyone agreed that he would face an uphill climb in his first season at best; at worst, that climb would be up Mt. Everest. Stewart, however, was proving the experts wrong at every turn.

At the season opening race in Daytona, Stewart had come out of the gate strong. In the first fourteen races of 2009, Stewart finished out of the top 15 four times. Only two of those finishes had been outside the top 20. In what seemed like record time to some, Stewart had amassed a string of top 5’s and top 10’s that had put him atop the points standings and had propelled him to victory in the All-Star Race and at Pocono.

Even more astounding was the fact that Stewart’s success thus far had come without the fiery driver losing his temper. Starting a Sprint Cup team was stressful under normal conditions; starting one during an economic downturn, well, there were those who would say it was downright foolish. Nevertheless, Stewart was making it look like child’s play. Clearly, Helton had some snooping to do around the #14 hauler.

Helton knew that he would have to be extraordinarily cautious with his investigations. Some of NASCAR’s recent rulings had drivers and crews alike on pins and needles; An increased presence in the garage area by a high ranking NASCAR official would have a negative impact on information gathering.

Helton casually strolled through the garage area looking for clues and listening to the garage gossip. His first stop was the hauler of Ryan Newman.

Newman was Stewart’s teammate, but he had previously worked at Penske Racing with Kurt Busch. Newman was also the one who had given Helton the heads up about Kristen during his initial investigation of the theft. Hopefully, Newman would be able to provide more information about Kristen’s activities at the track. The two men talked for a few minutes before Helton turned the subject to Kristen and the Lug Nut.

“So what can you tell me about Kristen Valus?” Helton asked.

“Not much more than I told you last year.” Newman responded. “I didn’t have that much interaction with her.”

“Did you ever see her away from the #2 crew?”

“I saw her at some press conferences,” Newman began, “but I never noticed anything out of the ordinary.” Helton thanked the driver and continued making his way to the #14’s garage area. The #14 crew was hard at work preparing the Office Depot Chevrolet for Sunday’s race. It took only a few minutes of conversation to discover that if indeed Stewart possessed the Lug Nut, the crew was oblivious to the fact. Helton would have to question Stewart directly. As luck would have it, Stewart came walking out of his hauler as Helton was finishing his conversations with the crew.

“Tony, can I have a minute?” Helton called to the owner/driver. Stewart walked over to Helton, who took a piece of paper from his pocket. “What can you tell me about this person?” Helton asked as he showed the paper to Stewart. It was a photo of Kristen.

“I’ve seen her around the track. She’s been at some of my press conferences, and she’s asked me for an autograph on more than one occasion.” Tony answered. There was a slight tone of irritation in his voice. Helton wasn’t sure if that irritation was meant for him or Kristen. Helton pressed on with his interrogation.

“What do you know about the Maltese Lug Nut?” Helton asked point blankly.

“What, you think she gave it to me?” Stewart asked incredulously. “Dude, she doesn’t even like me. Why would she give me the Lug Nut?”

“There are some who think that your success so far can’t be completely attributed to having the right people in the right places.”

“Like I said,” Stewart responded tersely, “the girl doesn’t even like me. Go read the FOXSports blogs if you don’t believe me.” With that, Stewart walked back into his hauler.

Helton returned to his office, concerned that he’d never find the missing Lug Nut. He sat down at his desk and reached to turn on his computer; however, something on his desk caught his attention. It was a folded piece of paper. Helton picked up the note and examined it. He didn’t recognize the handwriting, but he was absolutely certain that whoever had written the note was a woman. It still carried traces of the unmistakable scent of Chanel No. 5 He unfolded the paper and read:

Will Wonders Never Cease

2009-06-26T20:46:00.005-05:00

originally posted 4/22/09 on FOXSports.com

METEOROLOGISTS NOTE UNDERWORLD CLIMATE CHANGE
OTHER PHENOMENA BEING REPORTED AS WELL

Charlotte- Meteorologists with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) reported a sharp drop in the temperature of the Underworld Tuesday morning. The sudden and unexplained temperature decline sent NOAA scientists scrambling for answers. As one unidentified scientist put it "He11 has frozen over, and we've got to find out why."

The answer came Tuesday afternoon when it was announced that NASCAR had placed its chosen one, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. on a six week probation for his actions following Saturday night's Sprint Cup race in Phoenix. NASCAR officials had stated after the race that no action would be taken against Earnhardt, Jr., adding further fuel to the speculation that NASCAR has one set of rules for Dale Jr. and another set of rules for everyone else. NASCAR hopes that Earnhardt, Jr.'s probation will put an end to the idea that he is given preferential treatment by the sanctioning body.

In other news Tuesday, midwest farmers reported seeing large numbers of flying pigs.

Showdown At Texas Motor Speedway

2009-06-26T20:01:00.005-05:00

originally posted 4/1/09 on FOXSports.com

HIGH 1:00p.m. CDT

Part 3 of The Digger Chronicles

It was a dark and stormy night as Digger the gopher tunneled his way to Texas Motor Speedway. It had been a month since a mysterious stranger had alerted Digger to a plot to let him have it at Texas by a cartel of NASCAR drivers, and after a close call with sharks at the Georgia Aquarium, Digger had gone to Washington D.C. asking to be put on the Endangered Species List, but his request was denied. Digger decided that his best course of action would be to lay low for a while and hope the whole thing would just blow over. Things didn't blow over, and two weeks after the Atlanta race, Digger received an e-mail from TMS president Eddie Gossage asking for the gopher's help with a new infield golf course. Everything was coming together just as the mysterious stranger had foretold.

As he neared the speedway, Digger wondered what would be in store for him at the track. He tunneled under the gates and headed for the Hollywood Hotel.

"Maybe I can get Myers, Hammond, and DW to stand with me," Digger thought to himself. "After all, DW saved me from the sharks in Atlanta."

Digger ran into Chris Myers first. "Mr. Myers, you've got to help me! RC and some of the drivers are going to let me have it in the infield while we're here!"

"Digger, you're all wet," Myers told the rodent. "But seriously, I kid because I care.

I wish I could help you out, but I have an exclusive interview with Jerry Jones. He's going to give me all the inside details on his plans to screw up the Cowboys this year."

Digger sat down and waited for Hammond and DW to show up. Soon, the two commentators walked into the studio.

"Hey, Digger, buddy! What's up?" DW asked.

"RC and some of the drivers are gonna let me have it in the infield!"

"Let you have what?" Hammond asked.

"I don't know. All I know is that they're gonna let me have it in the infield while we're here, and if I don't show up, they're gonna send Elliot Sadler's hounds after me! Please, you have to help me!" Digger pleaded.

"Sorry Digger, but we're meeting Larry Mac at Billy Bob's. We've got a date with a mechanical bull." Hammond replied.

"Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go bull riding, boys!" DW exclaimed as he and Hammond walked out the door. Digger soon realized that he would have to face RC and the drivers alone.

*****

Meanwhile, on a grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, Richard Childress and the drivers were meeting to finalize their plans.

"Ok, Martin. Were you able to get us what we need?" Childress asked driver Martin Truex, Jr.

"Well, Bass Pro Shops helped us out as best they could. There were some things on that list they just don't carry." Truex replied.

"It's not a problem," commented Juan Pablo Montoya. "What he couldn't get from them, I was able to get from Target,"

"I've got the dogs in place," said Elliot Sadler, "but I'm tellin' ya right now you guys are gonna have to take some of 'em back to Charlotte with you. There just ain't enough room for me and 69 dogs on that plane!."

Tony Stewart had been examining an object in the back of Childress's SUV when he turned to address Sadler.

"Don't look at me, dude. I'm not listening to those dogs bay at my cats all the way home." Stewart returned to examining the object. "Uh, guys," Tony said, turning his attention back to the group, "we're going to have to come up with an alternate plan. The range on these things isn't quite what we expected."

"I guess we'll just have to have us an old fashioned western show down right there in the infield." Kyle Busch said trying to mimmick a Texas drawl. "Anybody squeamish about doing this thing face to face." The other drivers shook their heads.

"Ok, let's get this thing over with." Kurt Busch said, and with that, the drivers disbanded.

*****

The drivers returned to the track just in time to hear the announcement they had been waiting for:
"Digger, please meet Mr. Gossage in the infield. Digger, please meet Mr. Gossage in the infield."
The drivers took their places and waited. Digger knew the hour had come. He took a deep breath and headed for the infield. As soon as he got there, he was surrounded by the drivers.

"Ok, gopher. Say your prayers." Kurt Busch said. Digger's knees were knocking.

"You've chomped your last tire," Tony Stewart said as the drivers raised their weapons.

"Hasta la vista, gopher." commented Juan Pablo Montoya as the drivers took aim.

"Ok, boys. Let him have it!" Childress commanded. Digger closed his eyes and held his breath

As the drivers turned to go back to the motorcoach lot, Chris Myers- fresh from his interview- came strolling across the infield.

"See, Digger. I told you you were all wet." Myers said as he looked down at the water logged gopher.

Digger looked up at Myers, shook his fist, muttered something in gopher, then squished off to the hair and makeup trailer to get dried off.

WHAT???
YOU WERE EXPECTING REAL GUNS???

My NASCAR Off-Week

2009-06-26T12:11:00.007-05:00

originally posted 3/11/09 on FOXSports.com

MR. DIGGER GOES TO WASHINGTON

Part II of "The Digger Chronicles"

It was a dark and stormy night. Somewhere in the midwest, Digger the NASCAR on FOX racing gopher was burrowing his way back east for the race in Atlanta. He had mistakenly taken a left turn in Albuquerque, a mistake that would send his world into a tailspin. As he tunneled his way under the cornfields, a mysterious voice pierced the night air.

"Pssst. Hey you, gopher. Come here. I've got something for you."

Digger was a little hesitant. In Las Vegas, he had started hearing rumors about being ambushed. He approached the shadowy figure that had emerged from the cornfield cautiously.

“You might want to read this,” the stranger said, handing Digger a piece of paper before disappearing into the cornfield. Digger opened the paper. It read:

To: EG
From: RC
Operation Golf Course is a go. You know what to do.

Digger shuddered. The rumors he’d been hearing were true. A cartel of NASCAR drivers- along with team owner Richard Childress- was out to get him. The fact that this nefarious gang wouldn’t act until the Texas race offered him little comfort. Digger continued tunneling toward Atlanta, trying to figure out how to thwart the cartel’s plans.

In Atlanta, Digger’s anxiety increased substantially. On a visit to the Georgia Aquarium, Digger found himself swimming in the hammerhead shark tank.

While the police investigation proved inconclusive, Digger was sure he had been pushed. To Digger, this incident just further cemented the idea that he was in extreme danger. He had to do something, but what? Digger was thankful that the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series would be taking off the week following the Atlanta race. It would give him time to formulate a plan.

On his way back to Charlotte, Digger stopped for a drink. He explained his dilemma to a Carolina northern flying squirrel who was also at the stream.

“Digger,” the squirrel began, “you definitely have a problem on your hand, but I think I have the perfect solution for you. You need to get your little gopher self on the Endangered Species List. It’s great. Once you’re on that list, no one- and I mean NO ONE- can touch you.”

“Are you sure it will work?” the gopher questioned.

“Absolutely!” replied the squirrel. “I’m on the list myself.”

Digger thanked the squirrel and continued on his way. He knew what he had to do, so he bypassed Charlotte and continued on to Washington D.C.

* * * * *

When Digger arrived in Washington, he immediately set out to meet with the President. He felt sure that the new administration would sympathize with his plight and put him on the Endangered Species List. He popped up on the south lawn of the White House where he was immediately set upon by the First Family’s new dog.

Fortunately for Digger, he was soon swarmed by Secret Service agents who escorted him to a room inside the White House. Once the agents were satisfied that Digger was not a threat, they took him to meet with the President.

“What can I do for you, Digger?” the president asked.

Well, M-m-mister P-p-president,” Digger stammered, “I want you to put me on the Endangered Species List. They’re gonna let me have it at Texas if you don’t.”

“I feel your dilemma, Digger, I really do. Unfortunately, I can’t just put you on the list. There have to be studies done and hearings on Capitol Hill before any species can be listed as endangered.” The gopher’s heart sank. “What I will do,” the president continued, “is set up a Congressional Hearing to discuss your request.”

Digger thanked the President and tunneled his way to the Capitol hearing room where the Congress would consider his request.

The hearing was called to order, and Digger presented his case. The Congressmen listened politely as Digger outlined the plot against him. When he finished, the Congressmen took turns addressing the issue.

“Mr. Chairman,” one Congressman began, “while I empathize with Mr. Digger’s problem, there are many other species whose survival is more essential to the environment- species so rare that were they to become extinct, it would most certainly be a tragedy for the whole of humanity.”

“I agree with my learned colleague,” echoed another. “The research clearly shows that cartoon rodents ARE NOT an endangered species. Let’s look at a few examples, shall we? This fella here routinely outwits one Tom Cat, while this other one constantly runs circles around Sylvester.”

“And if that weren’t enough, these two have been giving Donald Duck fits for years!"

"Oops, wrong Chip and Dale. Let’s try that again."

“There, that’s better. Now as I was saying, I cannot in good conscience vote to put Mr. Digger on the Endangered Species List.” the Congressman said in concluding his remarks.

“But you don’t understand," Digger shouted, “THEY’RE GONNA LET ME HAVE IT AT TEXAS!!!!”

Finally the Chairman spoke. “While we all sympathize with Mr. Digger, we cannot put him on the Endangered Species List. If we put every annoying creature on the list, I dare say, a good many of us would find ourselves listed. The motion to list Digger as an endangered species is denied; however, the evidence does show that cartoon nemeses are seriously threatened. Therefore, effective immediately, Tom Cat, Donald Duck, and Sylvester will be listed as endangered species and afforded all the protections of the law."

Digger left the hearing room dejected. If the government wouldn’t help him, then who could he turn to? He would have to face the Driver Cartel on his own, and with that thought, he began tunneling his way to the next race at Bristol.

Giving the Fans What They Want

2009-06-26T10:02:00.010-05:00

originally posted 2/27/09 on FOXSports.com

NASCARfellas

Part I of "The Digger Chronicles"

It was a dark and stormy night. In a smoke-filled private room in the Sahara Hotel casino, 6 of NASCAR’s finest sat playing poker. What looked like an innocent game of cards, however, was in reality something much more sinister. The group had come together to discuss plans for eliminating a nuisance that had come to plague NASCAR racing.

“Let’s get on with this,” said Kurt Busch, a former NASCAR champion and Las Vegas native. His younger brother, Kyle, nodded in agreement.

“I agree with them,” chimed in Martin Truex, Jr. “We need to get back to the track before we’re missed.”

“Patience, gentlemen, patience,” counseled Tony Stewart, two-time champion and self professed leader of this motley band of desperados. “We can’t do anything until Mr. Big arrives.”

“I don’t like this,” said a shadowy figure lurking in one corner of the room. It was Juan Pablo Montoya. “Mr. Big should have been here by now. They’re on to us, I tell you.”

“Relax, Juan Pablo,” Elliot Sadler remarked in his laid back Virginia drawl. “Mr. Big’ll be here.”

“Why would he?” questioned the younger Busch. “Something like this is beneath a man of his experience.”

“That’s exactly why we need him,” explained Stewart. “This shouldn’t pose a problem for him given his background.

Suddenly, the door of the room flew open, and in walked Richard Childress. “Gentlemen," he said as he acknowledged the drivers in the room, “we all know why we’re here. The question is ‘are we all in agreement?’”

“He cost me two cars at Daytona,” Stewart said.

“He’s even more annoying than my brother,” noted the elder Busch. Kyle responded by punching Kurt in the arm.

“He does seem to show up at some really weird places,” added Truex.

“The fans think he should have been taken out a long time ago,” Sadler told the group. “They say he ruins their enjoyment of the race.”

“So, RC, how do you propose we go about eliminating the little pest?” asked Stewart.

“Well, I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think the best way to get him is an ambush.” Childress said.

“Ambush? Are you sure that’s going to work?” pondered Montoya.

“Are you questioning my ability, Juan Pablo?” Childress snapped back. “I’ll have you know I was going after bigger things than him while you were still swilling champagne in F1.”

“So what’s the plan?” Kurt Busch inquired.

“He’s going to receive an e-mail from Eddie Gossage saying that Eddie needs his help designing a golf course in the Texas Motor Speedway infield.” Childress began.

“When he shows up, we’ll all be up in the spotters’ stand waiting. As soon as he’s alone, we let him have it. Martin, will Bass Pro Shops be able to get us everything we need?”

“No problem, RC,” replied Truex.

“What if he doesn’t show up in the infield?” Kyle asked.

“That’s where Elliot’s dogs come in. They’ll chase him in and keep him there.” Childress answered.

“That is if the sound of 69 hound dogs comin’ after him don’t give him a heart attack first.” Sadler chuckled.

"Any more questions?” Childress asked.

“No, I think that about covers it.” Stewart said.

“Good.” Childress retorted. “Then it’s all settled. Digger the gopher gets it when we get to Texas.”

Even Year Jinx?????

2009-06-25T23:58:00.003-05:00

originally posted 1/27/09 on FOXSports.com

HENDRICK SAYS JOHNSON WON'T SEEK CHAMPIONSHIP IN 2010
ANNOUNCEMENT STUNS FANS AS WELL AS NASCAR INSIDERS

Concord, NC- The racing world was sent reeling today when NASCAR team owner Rick Hendrick announced that three-time and current NASCAR Sprint Cup champion, Jimmie Johnson, will not be allowed to compete for the Cup championship in 2010 or any other even numbered year. The announcement follows an injury to the middle finger of Johnson's left hand at the Rolex 24 Hours at Daytona this past weekend. Johnson cut his finger trying to cut a hole through his firesuit with a kitchen knife.

"I'm completely serious about this," Hendrick told reporters at a press conference. "Just look at the record. He wins the championship in 2006 and breaks his wrist falling off the top of a golf cart. This year(2008), he slices through his finger; yet in 2007, nothing happened. Obviously, there's some dynamic between Jimmie, the championship, and even numbered years that spells off-season misfortune. I am putting an end to this before Jimmie seriously hurts himself."

Calls to Johnson went unanswered.

Having done the same thing myself(although I wasn't trying to cut a hole in a firesuit), I know how bad it hurts, and I'm really glad that he'll be fine. What do you bet that at least one person shouts "Hey, Jimmie! Show us your hurt finger!" at some point during Daytona?

Mystery In The NASCAR Garages

2009-06-25T23:08:00.012-05:00

originally posted 9/6/08 on FOXSports.com

THE MALTESE LUG NUT

It was a dark and stormy night. At a race track somewhere in Michigan, a scream pierced the damp night air.

“Mr. Roush, Mr. Roush! Someone has stolen the Maltese Lug Nut!”

The Maltese Lug Nut, it was what NASCAR dreams were made of. Legend said that the Lug Nut was made from a metal alloy never before seen. Some said that the Lug Nut would make even the most ill-handling race car drive like a dream. Drivers wanted it, and crew chiefs would do anything to possess it. In a garage full of race teams looking for an edge on their competition, the suspects were too numerous to mention.

There was the new team owner who was looking to turn a lackluster team into a championship contender.

There was the obsessive crew chief who would stop at nothing to win a third straight championship.

There was the new kid who was being hyped as the greatest thing since sliced bread. The Lug Nut would certainly help him live up to that hype.

There was the four time champion whose team had yet to find its groove. If he could get the Lug Nut, it might just be the catalyst to turn his season around and help him win that elusive fifth championship.

And there was the most popular driver living in the shadow of a legend. Surely the Lug Nut could help him break free of his father's legacy.

One thing was for sure- NASCAR Chief Inspector Helton had his work cut out for him.

Jack Roush had possessed the Maltese Lug Nut snce the end of the 2007 season. He was certain it would give his teams the advantage and bring a championship back to his organization. Roush was positive that the evil Toyota Empire was behind the theft.

After all, Toyota's golden boy, Kyle Busch, was having the kind of season that drivers dream of.

Roush was also certain that the "magnet" found in the Gibbs #20 Nationwide car was in fact the Maltese Lug Nut. For Roush, that was absolute proof that JGR was behind the theft.

Helton wasn't so sure. The pits had been plagued by a rash of lug nut thefts over the past few races. He had spoken to a number of people concerning the thefts, and everything seemed to point to Penske Racing.

Helton spent considerable time around the Penske garage looking for clues and talking to various crew members. Driver Ryan Newman told Helton that there was a new person hanging out with the crew of his teammate, Kurt Busch.

Helton looked more closely at this new person Newman had identified. She was Kristen Valus, a psychologist from San Francisco who attended various races and wrote articles for the Miller Racing website and FOXSports.com. She seemed innocent enough, but Helton decided to talk to Kurt Busch about the newest addition to his team.

Busch assured Helton that Kristen was not behind the theft of the Maltese Lug Nut. As proof, he pointed out that his team had also been the victim of a lug nut theft.

Helton did even more digging, and by the time NASCAR returned to California, he was ready to identify the culprit. He called a press conference to announce his findings.

"I have asked you here today to expose the thief who stole the Maltese Lug Nut,” Helton told the assembled reporters. A hush fell over the room as Helton unveiled a photo of the culprit.

“She may look like mild-mannered psychologist Kristen Valus,” Helton told the stunned media, “but in reality, she is the notorious lug nut bandit, Millie Leit.” Kristen yelled “You’ll never find the Lug Nut,” as NASCAR security surrounded her and carried her off to the NASCAR hauler. With the culprit in custody, things returned to normal in the NASCAR garage, although Kristen was right about one thing.

They never did find the Maltese Lug Nut.

You will find references to the Maltese Lug Nut in blogs by other writers and comments. Now you know the story.

A Hair Raising Experience

2009-06-25T21:32:00.009-05:00

originally posted 8/21/08 on FOXSports.com

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO TONY'S HAIR
BNN UNCOVERS AFTERMATH OF OPERATION "WAX SMOKE"

Charlotte- Five months ago, an undiclosed neighborhood in Charlotte was rocked by the sounds of two-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Tony Stewart screaming in agony as his back was waxed for charity. That prompted a number of letters to BNN Headquarters asking "what happened to all the hair they pulled off Tony's back?"

After a thorough investigation, BNN can now reveal that a major portion of Smoke's excess hair went to Chad Knaus, the crew chief for two-time and reigning Sprint Cup champion Jimmie Johnson.

Knaus(r) in 2007; Knaus today

When asked for a comment, Johnson told BNN "Hey, I paid $10,000 for some of that hair! I wanted to make sure it got put to good use." Knaus could not be reached for comment.

What Goes On In The Hallowed Halls Of NASCAR???

2009-06-25T20:50:00.002-05:00

originally posted 6/15/08 on FOXSports.com

NASCAR DECISION MAKING PROCESS REVEALED
BNN GIVEN UNPRECEDENTED ACCESS TO NASCAR HEADQUARTERS

Daytona Beach- The CoT. We want drivers to show some passion. Shut up and drive the car. Penalties given to one team for infactions on and off the track. No penalties given to another team for committing the same infractions. It's enough to keep Sprint Cup teams and drivers thoroughly confused and fans asking "what the **** is NASCAR thinking?"

So exactly what goes into the NASCAR decision making process? Beagle News Network was given unprecedented access to the inner workings of NASCAR including how NASCAR decides everything from what penalties will be handed down to which tracks will be awarded race dates for the upcoming season and everything in between.

NASCAR corporate meetings are not much different from any other corporation in America. On the appointed day at the appointed time, NASCAR's various division heads and competition directors meet at NASCAR headquarters to discuss the issues facing the sanctioning body and the sport of stock car racing. That's where the similarities end.

Once everyone is assembled and the conference room doors are closed, Brian France goes to a special cabinet , unlocks the door, and pulls out a small box. The box is placed on the conference table and opened, revealing the oracle that will make all of NASCAR's decisions.

the NASCAR oracle

One by one, those assembled pose their questions, and the oracle gives its answers. When all questions have been answered (or tabled for a later meeting), the oracle is placed back in its box and returned to its cabinet. During race weekends, the oracle is kept locked in a safe inside the NASCAR hauler ready to make those all important decisions like was a driver speeding on pit road or is it time to throw a caution for debris.

Did You Hear That?????

2009-06-25T20:41:00.002-05:00

originally posted 5/16/08 on FOXSports.com

CHARLOTTE POLICE ANNOUNCE RESULTS OF NOISE COMPLAINT INVESTIGATION
LARGE VOLUME OF COMPLAINTS PROMPTED INQUIRY

Charlotte- Charlotte police announced the results of their investigation into complaints from Charlotte residents concerning an unusual noise.

According to the complaints, the unidentified sound is heard every day of the week, but it is most noticeable on Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays.

Charlotte police placed recording devices at various locations throughout Charlotte, and sound engineering professors from the University of North Carolina-Charlotte as well as Charlotte area media outlets, analyzed the tapes .

In a press conference from police headquarters, a CPD spokesman made the following statement:

"After a thorough investigation into the strange sound and careful analysis of audio tapes, we can state with 100% certainty that the sound being heard throughout the Charlotte area is the sound of Kyle Busch laughing all the way to the bank."

Police officials expect that the sound will continue to be heard for quite sometime.

Of course by the time the Chase rolled around, Kyle stopped laughing.

Partgate, Pt. 2

2009-06-25T20:19:00.002-05:00

originally posted 3/29/2008 on FOXSports.com

NASCAR TEAMS TOLD TO INVENTORY PARTS
MORE MISSING PARTS FOUND

Martinsville- Following allegations of intellectual espionage from Roush Fenway Racing owner Jack Roush, NASCAR officials ordered all teams to do an immediate and complete inventory of every part in their respective shops. The mandatory parts inventory comes after revelations that Michael Waltrip Racing had been in posession of a sway bar belonging to Roush Fenway.

"We want to make absolutely certain that every single part is where it belongs." said Robin Pemberton, NASCAR's competition director.

Upon completion of the inventory, MWR owner Michael Waltrip called an improptu news conference to announce that MWR personnel discovered more Roush Fenway parts in the MWR storeroom.

"We're just plum embarrassed about this one, " Waltrip told reporters. "Of course, the parts were immediately returned to RFR as soon as they were discovered."

The parts in question appear to be Jack Roush's marbles.

The Real Reason Behind Jr's Dismal 2007 Season

2009-06-25T19:56:00.008-05:00

originally posted 3/16/2008 on FOXSports.com

IMPOSTER WREAKS HAVOC WITH DALE EARNHARDT, JR.
LOOK ALIKE POSED AS CREW CHIEF

Mooresville, NC- A six month long investigation has uncovered the real reason behind Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s disappointing final season with Dale Earnhardt, Inc.

Throughout the 2007 season, many fans speculated that Earnhardt, Jr.'s stepmother, Theresa, was behind the bad luck which plagued NASCAR's most popular driver. Those speculations proved unfounded with the discovery that an imposter had been posing as Junior's crew chief, Tony Eury, Jr. The imposter has been identified as Larry, the Cable Guy.

Members of Junior's former DEI crew were shocked to learn of the imposter, but no one was as shocked as Junior himself.

"The man is my cousin," Junior told reporters. "We grew up together. You'd think I'd know my own cousin." Other Earnhardt family members said that they, too, were taken aback by the uncanny resemblance of the imposter to Tony, Jr. Side by side photos show the strong resemblance between the two men

Martin Truex, Jr., Dale Jr.'s former DEI teammate said upon seeing the photos, "Man, they sure do look alike, but obviously the imposter couldn't "Git r done"."

Team officials at Hendrick Motorsports, which signed Jurnior after his much publicized split with DEI, told reporters that they have instituted security measures that will guarantee that it is indeed Tony Eury, Jr. on the pit box . A Hendrick spokesman refused to comment on what those security measures are.

A follow up blog was posted 5/28/09

BNN "NEWS" ALERT---

The crack investigative staff at Beagle News Network has just uncovered the REAL reason behind Tony Eury Jr's departure as crew chief of the #88.

Earlier today, Hendrick Motorsports announced that Tony Jr. will step down from the pit box and take a position in the company's Research and Development department. An anonymous spokesman at HMS offered further explanation, "Tony Jr. will be researching new material to further develop his comedy career as Larry the Cable Guy."

According to the website eventful.com, Tony Jr's alter-ego, Larry the Cable Guy, will be kicking off his latest comedy tour June 13 in Manchester, UK. He will follow that with dates in London, Wolverhampton, and Dublin, Ireland before returning stateside for a July 4th appearance in Lincoln, Nebraska.

We here at BNN wish both Tony and Larry much success in their upcoming endeavors.

Have You Seen This Man??????

2009-06-25T19:34:00.010-05:00

originally posted 3/5/08 on FOXSports.com

SABOTAGE SUSPECTED IN #99 MISSING OIL LID
ROUSH FENWAY OFFICIALS RELEASE PHOTO OF SUSPECT

Las Vegas- Officials form Roush Fenway Racing announced today that they believe sabotage is the reason Carl Edwards' #99 Ford failed post race inspection following the UAW-Dodge Dealers 400 this past Sunday.

"Several teams reported seeing a strange character lurking around the cars prior to the start of the race, " a Roush Fenway spokesman told reporters. "Fortunately security cameras installed in the #99 war wagon captured a picture of the suspected saboteur."

Roush Fenway officials are offering a reward for any information leading to the arrest and capture of the suspect pictured below.

Qualifying Changes on the Way

2009-06-25T18:55:00.002-05:00

originally posted 2/21/08 on FOXSports.com

SPONSORS FORCE CHANGES IN NASCAR QUALIFYING
NEW FORMAT FAVORS FASTEST

Charlotte, NC- In what is widely regarded as a major coup for corporate America, NASCAR Chairman Brian France announced sweeping changes in the qualifying procedure for its Sprint Cup races. The changes come after team sponsors threatened to boycott NASCAR until changes were made. The announcement came during a press conference held at NASCAR’s Research and Development facility in Charlotte.

“Race cars run on money,” France said, “and the majority of that money comes from individual team sponsors. Without them, we don’t have much of a race.”

Sponsors objected to NASCAR’s “Top 35” rule that guaranteed spots in the race to those teams that were in the top 35 in owner’s points. The rule sent many teams- and their sponsors- back to Charlotte with nothing to show. Some of those sponsors that have gone home are household names among American corporations. Burger King, Little Debbie, and UPS are just three of those sponsors who missed races last season.

The new format- which will be in place for this Sunday’s race at California Speedway- requires the driver to name all of his sponsors in 20 seconds or less. Drivers with the fastest time and fewest mistakes will race on Sunday. Already the effects of this change are being heard throughout the garage area. Replacing the familiar sounds of air tools and engines are the sounds of drivers reciting such phrases as “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,” “She sells sea shells down by the seashore,” and “rubber baby buggy bumpers.”

NASCAR insiders expect that with the changes in qualifying, Michael Waltrip will be on the pole for most of this season’s remaining races.